Saturday, September 10, 2005
"God's Tough Love" by Joe Toledo
If people had just listened to me, everything would be fine right now. As it is, here I sit in my Ark all by my lonesome. Except for Hashim. He's my coon hound. His name means "crusher of evil," by the way. And that's what he does: he crushes it. You should really come over some time and watch Hashim crush some evil. What are you doing Friday?
Oh, yeah: I got two possums, a racoon, and a salamander on here, too. Forgot about that. I figure that's a pretty good food chain. Hopefully there's some sparks between the racoon and the lizard. But I gotta find me a woman, cause I ain't matin' with no possum, I'll tell ya that right now.
There's a nice-lookin 'gator keeps swimmin' by here, but I ain't been able to catch 'im just yet.
I'd been hopin this here flood would wipe out more sinners than it has. I have yet to read anywhere an accurate account of the number of sinners smited by this thing. Far as I can tell it barely numbers in the thousands. Pathetic. Come on, God: that is a half-ass job if ever I saw one.
But worse still, because of the liberal media's constant bitching, we've now got the President — a good God-fearin man, by all accounts — out there doin the Devil's work by trying to rescue these sinners.
Now I don't know about you, but I'm fed up with this kind of hypocrisy.
I mean, sure: he's doin all he can to bring about the Apocalypse over there in the Middle East, I'll give him that.
But what about here at home? What about OUR rapture, Mr. Bush?
At least he's not as bad as that Satanic Castro fella. That bastard is so anti-Christian he actually EVACUATED everybody before Hugo hit and pretty much granted AMNESTY to probly 20,000 or more sinners. I'm tellin ya, you don't thwart God's smitin' like that and get off scott free. Mr. Castro better be on alert, because God is PISSED.
This interferin with the states by Big Government really gets my knickers in a bunch.
Now they're tryin to go down there and GIVE AWAY FOOD to these people. AND water. These people arent' even WORKING, they're just sitting there in a goddam sports arena! In my day, we called that Socialism. (Pardon my French.)
This is all just a Liberal conspiracy to get more money for Big Government Federal Programs, like FEMA and stuff. But do you hear anyone pointing this out in the Liberal Media? Of COURSE not! Why? Cause they're Liberals!
I even heard one Liberal saying something about how after the Tsunami it was hard to believe in God anymore. You believe that? I mean, read your goddam Bible, people! This is what God does! And thank God He does it, too! If He didn't wipe out all the sinners in some situations, we'd have to do it ourselves, and that would mean using nuclear weapons, probably. Is that what you want, Liberals? Huh? Is it?
God's doing us a service, and no one even bothers to thank him for it. And that's exactly why He doesn't love you anymore.
All this talk about "Evil In The World" and "Why Does Bad Stuff Happen To Good People" and blah blah blah and whine whine whine. Goddam namby pamby pinko liberal atheistic horse shit. Pardon my French again.
Anyway, if the Federal Government REALLY wants to help, they should get down here and help me with my Ark. I mean, God's helpin, but He can't do EVERYTHING, for the love of Pete.
I'm too angry to even talk anymore. I could go on all day.
Anyways, I gotta go catch me some mosquitos pretty quick here — there's lots of bugs hangin around, so that shouldn't be no problem, but you know what they say about Idle Hands, anyway. I s'pose if God decides He needs to spread some more diseases, though, at a later time, He can just create more mosquitos later on. And locusts — son of a bitch, I forgot to get me some locusts.
And when that's done, I think I'll go for a nice swim. They wouldn't shoot a man for skinny-dippin, would they? I kinda liked it better before the government started pokin their noses into my private business. It's a sad day when a man has to take his fire-arm with him just to do a little swimmin.
I'm startin ta think I might just have a tapeworm or two. I'm so hungry I could eat this here possum. But I better wait 'til the little ones are born, and eat them instead. By that time my tapeworms maybe will have started a little family, God bless 'em.
The circle of life keeps on a goin, just as the Good Lord intended.
Well I gotta go, but before I do, God told me to pass this message on to you, California: Watch Your Back, Faggots.
— Joe Toledo, New Orleans LA
On a slightly (only slightly, mind you) more serious note, here's what followers of Pat Robertson's 700 Club have to say about God's Will and such Natural Disasters (commonly called "Acts of God") as Hurricane Katrina and the Tsunami in Southeast Asia:
Hurricane Katrina brought catastrophic damage to several Gulf states. Does God allow such storms of destruction?
A few of my favorite comments posted there:
"Our blessing and our curses depends on our handling of Israel. I believe this country have been enormously blessed because we have always been a friend of Israel (although we send financial aid to other Arab nations), but we have for the most part supported Israel's right to exist as a nation. However, whenever this country encourages Israel to give up any part of their rightful God-given land we have suffered the consequences."
"I just want to say it since no one else really has . What happens everytime we are behind moving or displacing the Jewish of Israel from their God promised Land? Something disastrous always happens right after. We watched as the Jewish made a (Historic)move to appease the world. I do believe instead that it will only bring the wrath of God. So yes God does make storms of destruction."
"God warns ahead of disaster like He did through the meterologist many days ahead of the disater to show His love and care to His people (Americans),many took it for granted. No warning for tsunami disaster."
"Yes. Of course. I wonder if the public knows of the annual festival that was to happen this weekend in New Orleans that rivaled Sodom and Gomorrah? May God have mercy on this country!"
"Maybe its like a spiritual war. The storm happens on its own but the area that is hit might be an area with the least amount of prayer coverage if you will. Lets face it, New Orleans has been catering to sin for years. Lets hope Americans learn to pray!"
"I don't want to sound heartless, but I cannot stop thinking that this sounds so much like Sodom and Gomorrah. New Orleans was known for so much history but it was also known for their sin. You cannot flaunt sin in God's face. That is not to say that our God is not one of endless mercy, but the proud declaration by a city that they are home to so much sin won't go unpunished. Yes, I strongly believe that he does allow it, and that sadly, we are in the end times, and there will be more."
(This is why I never care if I offend any Christians. What they need to be offended by is proclamations such as the above.)